July 2014 Newsletter: Overcoming Disappointment

This month, I have a very unsexy subject to talk to you about. But, it needs to be discussed. The subject is disappointment. I know people are disappointed because they tell me they are. I get many emails from frustrated athletes trying to make it work and feeling overwhelmed and dejected. I see people post workouts and motivational messages on social media and then they turn around and email me that they are struggling. I think it is noble to implement positive thinking. But trying to emulate the Dali Lama, Mother Theresa and Buddha is a tall order to say the least.

I see a disconnect with many athletes between how they really feel and how they want to feel. I rarely see people say in public that they are struggling. It is just not popular. But where do you go when you are struggling? Where can you lay your head to rest for a minute, cry, and then push on? I think it is important to acknowledge all aspects of our journey. It is valuable to have a positive attitude and it is also valuable to cry when we feel disappointed. Why? Because much suffering goes on in silence, and then we are not authentic. There is a difference between changing a sour attitude and recognizing that something is just not working.

Does your suffering go on in silence? When the doors are closed and the mask is off, is there is a deep longing for something more than what has been created up until this point? I think we all feel it. The separation between where we are and where we want to be. But when the goals are big, or the separation is great, it seems like the pain is also great.

This month, if you are feeling a bit discouraged, I want to see you where you are at. I want you to be able to rest your head in truth for a moment. I don’t want to throw motivational messages at you. I understand if you are frustrated. I have been there. Everyone has. But when we feel depleted, it feels like there is no-one there for us. Well, I am here for you. Let’s get started on moving through this.

Overcoming Disappointment
Most of my readers appreciate a sequenced plan of action. I have created one that I think follows with integrity where you are, to where you want to be. Get a pen and paper, and let’s roll up our sleeves. Here are the steps:

  1. Recognize disappointment as a temporary setback. What you are feeling right now feels permanent. I get that. Appreciate that it feels like defeat, loss and failure. Go ahead and indulge. How disappointed are you really? You are in private. What is going on in your heart? Write out now on a piece of paper:–What are disappointed about?
    –What are your goals?
    –How far are you from your goals?
    –What is in your way that is making it so difficult?
    –Why is this so painful? Go ahead write it out.
  2. Grieve the loss of not being where you wanted to be at this point in time. Take a moment to let it be ok to be sad or mad. Give yourself a good cry or tantrum. Think of where you thought you would be. You did everything you could. You did your workouts, ate your food, or you did the best you could and things got in your way. You did affirmations, positive talk and still no result. Write out why you feel so disappointed. Write it out, then feel it out. Really connect with how this feels.
  3. Re-adjust your plan. Accept the temporary set-back, wipe your face and create a new plan. Now it is time to ask yourself, do you still want this goal? If not re-adjust to a new goal that feels more empowering. If yes, then re-adjust your plan of action. What are the new steps that you will take to your new revised goal? What needs to change from your previous plan? Really be honest with yourself about how much action you were really taking before. Re-adjust and re-commit. Really think about this. What goal feels good? Do you still want the goal you have been striving for? If so, it is time to fight for it! Are you ready?
  4. Re-claim your goals! In order to re-claim your goals you must first commit to your goals. Is this want you truly want? Why do you have something in your head and your heart? I believe that if it is in your head and heart, then it is yours for the taking. It is time to re-claim your goal. It really is as simple as saying to yourself, that this is what you want and you will not be denied your goal any longer by yourself or any other outside force. Now look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I can do this. I believe in myself. It is time to take action and make it happen. I will do this. I want this. I claim this goal as mine right here and right now.”Now, go do one thing that shows every part of you that you are serious. Go prep your food, go workout, go sign up for that gym membership or sports group, go shopping, go be excellent!

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